You can say a thousand times – #fridayfiction
You can say a thousand times from Sunday Mama dying ain’t my fault, but I know better. Me asking her to sneak around Daddy to come and see Isaac broke her heart. Broke it the same as if I stomped on it with my two bare feet. Mama loved me; I know she did. How can any mama not love her own child? Long as I was happy with just getting letters Mama could be happy for me, but when I started wanting more than she could give, her heart started fighting against itself. Mama’s heart wanted to come see her grandson, but her body had to do what Daddy said.
The sorry truth is Mama’s never been a strong-willed woman. I ain’t laying no blame, ’cause I seen the mean-spirited side of Daddy and it’s enough to make anybody fearful. He’d be sweet as pie long as Mama was doing what he wanted , but the minute she went up against him he’d start in saying the Lord would smite her dead for such a thing . It didn’t matter what she was doing, Daddy’d come up with a Bible verse claiming it was a sin. Even for a woman staunch as a brick wall, it’s impossible to go up against a man who claims he’s got the Lord on his side.
Losing your mama leaves a hole in your heart that’s never gonna be healed. You got one mama, and once she’s gone you ain’t never gonna get another one. I want to be forgiving of Daddy, but the truth is it’s real hard. I keep arguing inside myself. One minute I’m ready to crawl on my hands and knees asking him for forgiveness, then the next minute I’m hating him all over again ’cause of the heartache he’s given Mama and me.
The saddest part of all this is that I keep wishing I could talk to Mama one last time. I’d ask her how I’m supposed to get over all this hurt. Knowing Mama, she’d have just the right words for answering.
I know I’m a growed-up woman with a child of my own, but Lord God how I do miss Mama.